I wanted to stop in to talk about something that’s been on my mind for years. Yes, years. You might even say decades. I’m speaking from personal experiences as well as from observations, so keep that in mind. Be open and give it some thought. Step outside the gruel that’s fed us and consider other possibilities. If you know me personally, you know that I am one with an open mind. That said I don’t think that I’m that off.

What I wanted to bring to this entry is a different point of view. And I think at this point in today’s environment and social climate it might be just the eye opener we need. Why? Because at some point or another we have all gone through it and in most cases are still going through it. What is “it”? Well, Depression.

Depression or more easily explained, major depressive disorder, is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. That’s what they say, however, I’m not entirely convinced it’s medical in the traditional sense. Can medications and or doctors treat it? Yeah, to a degree but the depression persist because medical it is not. Granted, I’m not an expert I’m again speaking from first-hand experiences and observation.

Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home. It is not grief, let’s be clear. Grief is a whole other thing in and on to itself.

My personal opinion is that depression goes a lot further and on to our subconscious thoughts. It’s our innate and human need to be seen, recognized, and understood. It’s our need to feel connected, to know that we are cared for and that we matter. Now, here’s where my thinking outside of the box comes in, the “how do we as humans try to make this happen?” We try to fit in. We try to do things and lead lives that others will notice and accept. We try and try until we cease to be our true innate selves. We become inauthentic.

Let me put it as an example. What does society tell us is successful? The successful career/business that provides financial freedom, the spouse, the 2.5 children, and white picket fence, plenty of “friends”, social outings, one-off vacations, etc., etc. We push and push for these things, and yet what happens? Well, we are still depressed, still lonely, still feeling like what we have is just not enough. We exhaust ourselves and our spirit. We aren’t built for that. We are simpler creatures at our core. Society standards won’t make us happy, no matter how many of them we accomplish.

Now, think about it. Why do we want these things? I mean really want them? Why is it that we determine so much of our happiness around it? Is that what’s been subconsciously fed to us by society and by others? Do we really and truly need others to admire what we have or look down on us for what we have not?

Let’s take me for example. This is my personal opinion after all. I’ve been told by friends that they want to see me happy with someone. Can we not be happy on our own? I’m sorry but I don’t need a partner adoring me to be happy. If I need someone it’s because I love them, I don’t love someone because I need them for anything. I am living my life so that I can be authentically me and my partner will have unconditional love because it’s genuine.

I don’t care if people admire my relationships to any degree, friends, family or lovers. I don’t even care if they approve of my career, how much money I make, where I go, or what I do. If I did there would probably be a lot more social media posts with that sort of thing as opposed to my selfie journals. Sorry not sorry, I use social media more for seeing myself on the journey of life and not the memories I treasure in my life.

Do I get sad? Yeah, I do but that’s when I get to looking inward and determining what is it that is actually making me sad. Then I actively and with intent change my thought process. I understand it is not always that easy and sometimes you need help. I have spoken with psychiatrists before and they have told me that when depressed for too long, the human mind rewires itself based on the synapses that have been used. In essence, WE train our brains. So in those situations of course therapy helps as well as medications but they can’t do all the work for us.

We have to change our thought processes, and our lives even to align more with who we are and what speaks to our souls. We must set aside society’s standards and stop using them as markers for our lives. We owe it to ourselves really and we are the only ones that can do it. Granted it might be difficult. In some instances, it might mean totally and utterly reconstructing your life and those around you. Still, at the end of the day continuing to spend time trying to force square pegs in round holes will exhaust you.

“Depression is your body saying, ‘I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar that you’ve created in the world. It’s too much for me.”

“You should think of the word ‘depressed’ as ‘deep rest.’ Your body needs to be depressed. It needs deep rest from the character that you’ve been trying to play.” – Jim Carrey

And to those of you that know someone or have known someone that is battling depression. Here’s a little tidbit I also can advise.

Your friend who hasn’t been doing well isn’t going to magically come to you. I wish people would take that more into consideration when writing how if ANYONE needs ANYTHING to “reach out”. 

I’m personally not going to reach out if I haven’t talked to you in a while?? That expectation on anyone when they’re in a crisis genuinely does not feel real and a false sense of caring. 

I don’t think individuals understand how difficult of a task this can be. I don’t think people understand that by the time your friends are telling you ”I’m not okay” they have probably reached their breaking point by then.

While those of us do need to practice reaching out more before it gets to that breaking point, I think everyone should practice making time for their friends and family when it’s not an urgent manner. Our jobs, personal lives, and our own obstacles have made it so difficult to call friends or share space and it’s little things like that that can also have a huge difference. 

Don’t wait till someone has to say “I need help” Because it usually starts with “can we hang out soon”